Plateau immobility

I feel as though I’m having what most would refer to as “religious struggles.” When people say “it’s God’s plan” or “He’ll be there for you” I want to scoff in their face. Where the f*ck has he been. There is no way God’s plan for me included this much struggle. It can’t be. I’ve since put it back on, but I didn’t wear my Miraculous Mary medal for awhile. I really hope there’s someone out there looking out for me, whether it’s God or some other power. 

I have not legitimately prayed in awhile and so I didn’t want to submit high demands. Because of this, I did not pray for a cure - that seemed unreasonable. I asked simply for tomorrow to be better than today. 

I took mobility for granted. You don’t realize how critical it is - until you can’t. I would do almost anything to be able to independently walk my dog around the block. Or even just walk around the house without my walker. That seems like a reasonable goal. 

I hope my time isn’t coming to a close. I have so much I want to do and see. I can’t go yet because I haven’t done anything I’m particularly proud of. I want to do something positive and be remembered for it

Thank you so much to all who have given DoorDash cards. It’s no secret I’ve been incredibly fatigued - what Cody and I are having for dinner isn’t top of mind usually 

Comments

  1. TracyApril 16, 2025 at 5:43 PM

    so glad you also wear the Miraculous Medal. mom and I do too. your openness about religious struggles is understandable. my response is never ever give up on the divine plan. in time we shall see the mysterious ways of our God. Big picture: none of us will be here forever. our souls do live on and the magnificence of the permanent home He has set for us in Heaven is what matters most. this demands Trust. your suffering is not a waste. talk to jesus about it . i love you and pray for you often, especially offering rosaries to your namesake Mary.

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