Maria’s Miracle

If you think my posts are too sad, I guess my advice to you would be to not read them. If you think i’m being overly dramatic, you’re probably right but I don’t really care It is absolutely wild to me that 2024 is coming to an end. I can’t wrap my head around it. Like it just started. At the beginning of the year, I was in the ICU with meningitis and then pretty much directly after that I got diagnosed with the second tumor. I want a year redo or have the past year wiped from my history. I feel like that’s not too much to ask for. 2024 in my mind can f*ck off I legit have no memories from april may and june except a few. I think if I really tried, I could remember a lot more than I do currently. I feel like it’s my body’s way of attempting to protect me or something.  I remember being wheelchaired into radiation every day around 1pm and often crying in the radiation oncology lobby. I remember how one day I was in the middle of a radiation session and Elton John’s song “Im Stil...

I turned 27 yesterday. It felt slightly odd because for a long time it was a birthday I didn’t think i’d see.  I feel like my old self died this year or it’s being held prisoner by a stupid & mentally slow version of myself. I’m not sure if it’s just my poor hearing but even my voice sounds different. In the disabilities form for work my doctor had to complete when I was still employed, they noted mental slowness as a reason for me being unable to work. The doctor noted that this state is temporary and will improve with time. I don’t mean to be impatient but it’s been 8 months and I feel stupider than I ever have. I used to have faith in this state of confusion being temporary but lately it feels permanent. I guess I should start getting used to it. I got married at the end of November. It was an incredibly special day surrounded by family. It’s hard because I often feel guilty. Cody is such a bright and adventurous person and i’m in a consistent state of fatigue. Mar...