Still immobile
The possibility of losing my mobility and balance from treatment should have been articulated to me before I did radiation a second time. I’ve thought a lot about it and I’ve determined if given the choice between radiation and all its side effects or progression, I would pick progression. Too late now I guess. I’m, of course, thankful for my positive scan. However, when everyone is expressing such praise for the good scan, I can’t help but get slightly irritated. Regardless of what the scan shows, I still can’t walk. Why are you expressing so much gratitude when I can’t walk? It’s hard to be appreciative of a good scan when you’re so debilitated. I obviously know I’m alive but what I’ve been doing for the past year or so is not living. I hide away at home 99% of the time because going out of the house is so much work and being around people is humiliating. It feels unbelievably degrading not being able to walk or do much of anything. Things don’t seem to be improving anytime soon...